Email to Kanka

On Jan 20, 2005, at 8:57 PM, Jaroslav Kanka wrote:

how was the wing haven.....<05 Track 05 2.m4a>

REPLY:

Wing Haven was good. I busted out the pink paint and made some correspondence pieces for Cassie in Dallas... everyone gave me strange looks. I guess they have never seen anyone paint at the bar... fuck'm... 'I am important'. ( I have finally realized this)... I'll do what 'has' to be done. I do not know any other way.... 2.5 more years before I go for broke and try to make it on the passion.... on the obsession... on the soul... on the conscience... on the chaos... on the Virgin... on the self... and on and on and on. I am tired... so so tired. Not in myself but in the sociological fact that as a person I must earn... .... ..... ....... ..... I am so, so tired of earning my good friend... I simply want to produce... MULTITUDES UPON MULTITUDES... PROCREATE ON PREVIOUS INTUITIVE PROCREATIONS ...... DIVERD... and DIVULGE

Tonight I watched a film... the first film that has ever touched me...... and I can never tell anyone of it... even you.

November 28th, 2004 changed me.... I think I have changed myself again... I am sick... sick and so tired

Things are so strange my friend. I had an amazing conversation with a good friend this morning. I am going to start sending correspondences to his daughter (Olivia - 22 months). I know her likes and dis-likes. Ohh to be at such a tender age. I want to leave everything and start a-new, but alas I am not that naive soul. I can not leave what has already begun.

Why must we carry on..... Do I need to leave something behind for my 'own'... or is my 'own' the every.

I AM POSTING THIS TO THE BLOG

- Thomas Arthur Schaefer