Thomas Arthur Schaefer

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Put Those Stamps On The Letters

Holiday season has me in kind of a funk. Might be the fact that I have too many projects going on at once or maybe that winter is a cold and lonely season. Probably the first, but the last still sticks and twists right between my fixed and floating ribs. It's been mentioned on several occasions that I've kept the personal life out of this blog the past 2 years. Yeah pretty true.. this thing was meant to be a catalog of ideas for my work. What I didn't expect, but should have known would happen, is that the work and reality portions would mix on here too. It makes perfect sense since most of the work is themed around personal issues anyways. Yeah... no content for 2 years... how it goes. I'll have to stick with it till the end of this year. Next year may be different thought. It's been strange times these past 2 though. Everyone I know is either married, getting married, having kids, with kids, getting divorced or something else outside of my realm. And as I get older I realize that that whole side of life hasn't hit me as of yet and it's a rather depressing thing. Going out and doing anything with my friends tends to be a drag for me because at the end of the night I get to share an endearing conversation with myself as I head back home. Standing around at parties with my friends and their husbands and wives and such can make you ask yourself "This isn't me because?" People are always saying how lucky I am to be single again and blah blah blah. Let me tell you something... it gets real old real quick. Sure most of my heros were single as well, but I have a suspicion they had the same attitude as me... when does it end. Married friends tell me they know of these great ladies they want me to meet. Divorced friends tell me to stay single.... they're bitter I know and they have that right, but at least they can be bitter. I'm reduced to getting personal on a blog thats supposed to be about my work... and sadly this is part of the work. Definitely a reflection of things I'm producing... or not producing. I'd say my mental state can be understood by the amount of work I produce in a given year... or better, the number of correspondences I send out in a given year. Barker complained the other day that he hasn't gotten anything from me in the mail for ages... it's a reflection on me and the way things are for sure and it hurts. I figured I'd be a happier person this year... I'm working out everyday. I'm eating better. I'm learning new skills. I'm building out the studio. My business with Cherrylipped is taking off... it's been a great year. But at the end of every day there is still a sigh that comes out of me and I know it's not because the day was difficult... it's just a sigh about the state of things and the parties and shows I didn't go to.
So I spent a good number of hours this week going back into this blog to fix some PHP transition errors and get some things more organized on my servers home directory and weed out things that don't link anymore and such (Tyfoon CMS is now up and running! Thanks Nic!!!!) . It was a painful process that still isn't done as 2007 still needs to have all of it's links re-routed to the proper directory on my server. But yeah.. it was tough going through things again and interesting to see the drop out in 2007 to current. A lot of it made me smile, but there were other portions I wish I could go back and rewrite. Life doesn't let you correct mistakes from the past though and so we live with them. Thankfully most of my mistakes from 2007-2008 aren't on here so I suppose thats a good thing... though you can't learn much from nothin'. Barker wrote me once and told me that after reading the blog from beginning to end one day he was convinced it was one of the most depressing things he ever read. After going through it myself past to current I have to agree. This isn't a very happy place, but there are some things that still make me smile.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Can't remember why I said that, but I guess if I read the whole damned thing again I would remember. I guess Tom ... that a man isn't his work and then again the two can't be separated. The world to me is full of these whack paradoxes and for the life of me I can't figure out what the rhyme or reason is. Maybe, that is the point this ain't fucking Dr. Suess and life never has nor has it ever needed a reason. Silly me tricks are for kids and Lord knows we ain't kids anymore. FUCK!